"I used to write down my thoughts all the time...

...and it got me through everything. I'd write page after page about what was going on around me. Growing up I always kept a journal. I had about 5 or 6 before I stopped keeping them. For years I wanted to write a book about my own life and experiences. However, parts of my own life are not worth writing about and I am not one that lives in the past very well. When I was a teenager my *new best friend at the time Liz read my journal. She even encouraged a few others to read it. In it I wrote about my first few thoughts on being gay. Suddenly, everything was out in the open all because my journal was being read. I call Liz my *new best friend because my whole life I have always had one best friend. That being Marie. Back then I rotated *new best friendships all the time. Marie would never do such a thing. She would never invade my personal space in such a tragic way. Why would anybody want to read somebodies journal? I would never want to know deep inner thoughts someone I knew was having. I don't know if any of this has any baring on why I don't keep a journal anymore. I don't think so because I kept one for years after. I got to a certain age where it just stopped. I also started to hate talking about myself so much. Part of it had to do with a time in my life that wasn't going so well and I think writing about it just made me feel worse. I haven't written in my journal since. "

I remember living in Boston....

and at the time I was very career driven. I had a lot of administrative experience. Office management/Human Resource type stuff. I was surely on my way to be coming successful. I was young. In my twenties. I had a lot going for me. It is strange for me to live in a place where my job options are limited. Working as a waiter can at times be fun. The pays not bad. I only have to do it seasonally. However, with that said running around getting ketchup for people is not something I was ever dreaming about as a kid. I did it as a job when I was in my teens. I remember the transition out of the restaurant world and into a more office corporate environment. I thought to myself "I'll never work as a waiter again." Yet, here I am now. I love Provinvcetown. I really do. But living here the goal is to just make money. It's not about career happiness at all. Not that working in an office corporate environment is something I really miss. Mostly, I just wish I was doing what I want to be doing with my life and career.

I take care of myself....

....I've always taken care of myself. I don't remember a time that I wasn't making my own decisions. I remember making choices for even my own Mother at times. I was 11 when I found an apartment that was actually better than all of our other places we lived. I am proud of myself. Most days I don't feel that way but I am . I am always looking back on my past and what happened even though I live in th moment. Kind of a strange combination about my personality.